escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
love makes seman taste better
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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