I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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