we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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