Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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