Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize