that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
