I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
