I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
