I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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