Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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