why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
