she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
