Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pants are for mortals
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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