Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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