Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
