before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
