i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
