it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
