he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
