no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
