We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
