omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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