don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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