all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
