We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
