So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
