i think my tv is drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
