Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
