I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
either way he was missing a nipple.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Floor bacon is actually really good
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
