She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
