so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
