Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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