even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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