theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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