Plan B is the new Plan A
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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