the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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