Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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