i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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