we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize