Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
