my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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