Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
