Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
