I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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