I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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