Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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