Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
this is an emotional support booty call
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
