Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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