i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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