Whod you bang
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize