I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
