Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
