why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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