Someone shit on the floor
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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