whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just gift wrapped bread.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
