Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
soo... how was my night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
