Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
