Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
