Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
