I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love having hate sex.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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