I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
