My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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