when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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