I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
