i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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