I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
