Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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