I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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