He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
