I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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