I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
