i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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